In an effort to post something frivilous and meaningless, I offer up this entry:

Friends, today I will be discussing, in depth, my feelings on the "Emoticons" that have been provided in this forum. As I browse through all the posts, I notice that at times, people rely on these icons to express their feelings. I only hope that this guide of sorts will help us all to communicate more effectively. Let us start first with the most basic of icons...

:D This says it means happy... looks happy to me.
:) Smile... ok... not sure how that's different from happy... but I suppose it is.
:( Sad... yes, another classic.
:o Now it gets deeper. This is labeled surprised, but looks to me like another happy, or perhaps shout, or talk... interesting isn't it?
:shock: This is called shock, which to me looks more like surprised then surprised does. But I suppose that shock has a more serious conotation than that of surprised.
:? Confused. Yes, just as I was when I first looked at this one. But then again, what other way would there be for a small yellow circle to portray the emotion of confusion.
8) Cool. The glasses are a dead give away. This is still fascinating.
:lol: Wow! Now we're getting into animation. This is laughing, not a spasm, or another happy.
:x Mad. Quite succinct. A scowl or someone concentrating very hard would have been my guess.
:P This entry, labeled "Razz" looks like another happy to me, but instead it is sticking its tongue out. A careful distinction when reading a post with this icon.
:oops: Embarrassed. Well done! Blushing and everything.
:cry: Crying or Very Sad. This represents a much deeper level of depression than the more simple "Sad" icon.
:evil: Evil or Very Mad. If the red eyes don't get to you, the pointy ears will. Along with a scowl and upside-down smile, there should be no mistaking this compelling emotion.
:twisted: Twisted Evil. Twisted! Yes I agree. This version of Evil comes with a chilling and sadistic smerk. Beware of the user that posts with this truly disturbing emotion.
:roll: Rolling Eyes. Without the animated rolling, this would have been a harmless icon. But as one looks closer, sarcasm escapes the innocent facade this icon fronts.
:wink: Wink. This contorted face complete with raised brow and askew mouth leaves you with only one conclusion. Another masterpiece of icon communication.
:!: :?: :idea: :arrow: Emoticons, with no facial features? Well these might as well be bullets, though I can't argue with their simplistic approach. Less is more I will concede.
:| If you dig deeper into the rabbit hole, you will find this neutral icon, called, "Neutral." What better way to communicate your indifference than with this perfect representation of no emotion what-so-ever.
:mrgreen: Finally, "Mr. Green" is our last choice when selecting an appropriate icon for one's post. Pleasantly unspecific, this could mean any number of things. From Happy, to Jealous, to plain good dental hygene, this entry gets my vote for best all around Emoticon.

So I hope we've all learned something today. I know I have. I will now go forth with confidence, knowing that with the right information, you too can select the perfect emoticon for your post. Good day, and good luck!